I am here for perhaps my last hospital administered treatment of the new medication, before I am able to do it myself at home again. The change in medication was because the last one was working, but not working well enough according to the doctor, so this one might be better. This is my third treatment after starting two months ago, and so far so good I guess. I have given up on ever being cured, or even feeling good - but I am still clinging onto being "okay" most of the time.
I have to wait an hour or two after the treatment to monitor for negative reactions.
I am in the hospital café.
The nurse I had today was really friendly, like all the nurses in the stomach department I have met. I think they have a pretty good understanding of how horrible it can be for their patients, and have compassion enough to make visits as pleasant as they can. After the nurse did something on the machine that controls the flow speed, she complained how slow the machine was to reset, and I joked about how impatient young people are. Since no one else was in the room at the time, we continued the conversation about the different aspects of life these days compared to the past and how our environments have changed, and how it has affected our behaviours and mindset.
We get bored incredibly fast.
Which makes sense, because with constant access to entertainment, not a minute passes that we have to "do nothing", because we can so easily turn our attention to a screen of some sort. However, this also means that we are focused in our own bubble, missing out on the experiences that surround us. As I have often mentioned, there are a lot of lonely people in the world, yet rather than striking up a conversation with the person at the bus stop or in the adjacent seat on the train, people rather stay "safe" in their bubble, hiding behind screens and headphones.
My wife mentioned the other day that at the hairdresser, she can order a "silent service" where instead of the hairdresser talking constantly, they will keep it to a bare minimum of what is necessary. Uber and other apps have similar possibilities. My wife sees this as a good thing, because she would be able to work. However, I see it as a missed opportunity to engage, even if the engagement is the conversation to say, "Hey, I have some work to do, is it okay if I focus on my laptop while you cut my hair?"
But that conversation is apparently too uncomfortable for many people.
But as I see it, the more conversations that we avoid due to discomfort, the more uncomfortable conversations will be necessary, because we don't learn the techniques on how to manage the conversation, or our emotions associated with them. So, we get practically worse the more we avoid the discussions. And this happens any time we choose to avoid instead of deal with whatever "hardship" we face. Avoidance might make us feel safer in the moment, but is generally only going to escalate a problem that won't go away by itself, making the eventual need to deal with it, much harder.
And what is interesting perhaps is that if we don't build the skills to talk with people, even strangers, when we do have to face the inevitable problems in our lives, we become more alone in it, with less sense of support, which makes dealing with it harder again. Especially when it comes to illness, although I don't won't to be a burden on anyone at all, I do understand the benefits of sharing the experience, and getting the support from others, whether it be family or friends, or a random nurse I might never talk to again.
And that cuts both ways.
Dealing with sick people all the time may be rewarding, but it doesn't mean it is an enjoyable experience. So when I am in these places, I look to make the nurses' jobs easier in some way where possible, by not just focusing on my needs, or the way I feel. Feeling like crap isn't an excuse to treat people like crap, even if they understand that it isn't personal. Having a joke around and turning an at times very uncomfortable situation into a positive shared experience, has value. The physical discomfort might not ease much, but we are more than physical beings.
Compassion cuts both ways too.
It isn't about who feels worse in the moment getting the help, it is about working together to improve the situation for everyone involved. Sometimes it isn't possible, yet often it is. But if we spend all our time in our bubble, ignoring the environment around us and the people we interact with, then we are less capable of both identifying the needs of others, and doing something about it. We might avoid to make ourselves feel better, but as everyone is doing similar, we are ultimately going to feel worse.
It is a slippery slope.
Taraz
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I feel like this touches on something I'm writing about at the moment on social media with its disconnect from real life communication. Too many echo chambers there to get stuck in.
For sure. I tried to explain to my daughter that social interaction gets easier the more you do it. I don't think she ever really believed me until she started work and it's lifted her confidence so much. She has so much less anxiety and when she has to communicate with others now.
I find it ironic that some of the worst people for doing that are those who are dealing with minor issues compared to those who have really debilitating issues. Some of the nicest people I come across are living in so much pain or are struggling through on a level I couldn't imagine.
Fingers crossed for this being the last treatment in hospital
This is a big factor too, and very much aligned. The echo chamber is often just in a person's own head too.
I am not sure of her age, but figuring pretty young (in comparison to me) and think it is common. I read stories of people getting anxiety when the phone rings because they would have to talk. I thought it was nonsense, but I literally know people like that now. All thirtyish and under.
I reckon it has something to do with the level they have experienced. They don't want to add to it. The person with minor ailments isn't looking to alleviate their physical pain, they are looking to get emotional support or some payoff. Their "illness" gives them a license to be a dick and feel that it is justified. The thing is, they are probably dicks all the time anyway.
At least for this issue. I have some surgery coming up! :D
Early 20s. She was late teens during the lockdowns, so that didn't help as she entered adulthood. She in a good workplace now, so that helps.
I hope it goes well and doesn't get delayed. Having it looming is bad enough without delays. I have a client who keeps getting her surgery delayed with it being winter and beds being taken up for flu cases.
Oh my, so many good points here. First, wishing you all well, may that new med be perfectly adjusted to your bodies needs. I remember my brother going through that, one of his meds accumulated too much in his body and went toxic. He had a series of nasty epilepsy attacks for a year until they finally were able to do the surgery. I hope your meds are smoother, and no surgery needed at all, ever again.
I don't think we get bored faster, I think we don't let ourselves get bored anymore. Muscle memory does give us the direct impulse to look at our phone the minute we have a second, and there is no time to build anything even close to boredom. I'm a big fan of boredom, as therein lie the best ideas. And yet,I, too, have to check myself and actively get bored, if that isn't an oxymoron.
I love the engagement party you mention. People are getting more used to not having to communicate at all, expecting everyone to "read the signs". It's so clear that I'm working, why are you talking? And those offers from Uber and hair saloon might be well intended, but do give an extra push to fragmentation and isolation. We shouldn't give in to that. We must keep communicating how we're feeling in those moments, and not let an app take that away from us. And the other person must be able to accept an uncomfortable Situation of being negated for a moment. Both sides of uncomfort, the contact with the other as opposing, are necessary for society. And we're unlearning that at an alarming speed.
Gotta go now. The car is packed, the girls are ready, it's time to escape to the beach. I'll have a lot of time to think there, and hopefully to get bored, and definitely some talks with my significant other that are going to meet some resistance. Can't give up on that, though it seems easier.
Hope he is okay. Epilepsy is a scary one for me. I don't know much about it though.
People fear the boredom, so the first sign of quiet, they look to get noise input to draw their attention from their own mind again.
And it worries me. Because the less capable we are at dealing with discomfort, the more volatile we become when "threatened".
Have a great beach trip!!!!
My brother is great, the surgery changed his life to the better, and a lot. He exploded afterwards, ate life with two huge spoons and did his very own thing, successfully. A totally changed man.
You're right about the volatility. At the same time, we're getting more and more instinctive/animalistic, so a "threatening" situation might more often responded with violence of any kind.
It does though, make things easier for those who can control themselves. There's an opportunity of superiority there, using the ratio to channel/manipulate the animal in the opponent.
Beach is great! Love it here! Internet is really bad, let's see if upload works...
Tried to upload a picture, let me know if it worked, please 🙃
No picture.
Glad to hear your bro is doing well.
Yes. We have lost any chill we might have gained. The internet rage porn algorithms don't help.
I found a spot where the internet is better, while having a morning coffee... Next try!
I can see them in the preview, so I think it worked 🙃
My wife has been saying for a while now that kids don't know how to be bored these days. Between their parents rushing them from one activity to the other or a constant barrage of online media, they just don't know how to be alone with their thoughts.
Perhaps "Alone with your Thoughts" should be a new addictive game they are tricked into playing :)
Haha, better that than eating Tide pods!
I actually enjoy talking to my barber when I go for a haircut. He is a young dude, but seems to be a great conversationalist and we exchange thoughts on the best restaurants, trips we went on, business, politics, real estate and other miscellaneous stuff. I think he likes talking to me because he gets a unique perspective as 99% of his customers are young gangster looking dudes :)
I enjoy the conversations with them too. Rarely do I want to just sit in silence with service people of any kind. I am not a dictator and they are not my slaves.
Ha! Perhaps he thinks that you are their lawyer ;D
LOL! No he knows I work in the public sector ;)
I hate it when my uber / taxi driver isn't up for a good chat. Some of the best chats I've ever had have been with cabbies.
I feel like every story in the world could start with the line "Busy [time period], mate?"
Or with "Ok, but just for one"
Why not the both in the same story? Feels responsible.
People around me don't like talking to taxi drivers or hairdressers. Taxi drivers and hairdressers, by virtue of their profession, want to connect with their customers. Rather than remaining silent and not speaking at all, they make the atmosphere more enjoyable by talking.
At first, I too found it unnecessary to talk to strangers. Later, I realized it was beneficial. For example, this way, you can easily ask complete strangers for directions or ask for help with any issue.
Learning how to communicate well with strangers, also helps develop far better skills at communicating with familiars!
If you didn't have these treatments would you feel worse? Is the new stuff working out alright or still too early to tell?
Much worse. Without, it makes it nearly impossible to live anywhere near a normal life. Stomach issues are not as fun as some diseases!
It is so far okay, but it is hard to tell. I haven't noticed much of a change from the other, but I feel less heavy in some way and I think I have less inflammation. The next treatment might be two months away though, so it will be a test to see how it goes. That treatment would be done at home with a pen (like an epipen).
Oof well sounds like "okay" while not ideal is better than that O_O
Less heavy and less inflammation sound like definitely good things.
Strong connection and kindness make the hardest situations a little lighter. Even small gestures or a shared laugh with a loved one or even with my one experience, a stranger can turn discomfort into something more bearable for everyone involved
Everyone seems to be looking for everything they need in life, from the wrong places. Strangers are a valuable part of our existence - even with many the negative interactions.
Some truly are valuable
It’s good to see how you were able to balance the difficult hospital experience with a bit of humour and conversation. I really agree with your point about how avoiding small talks or uncomfortable conversations only makes us more distant from one another. Sometimes, even a short chat with a stranger, like a nurse or someone at the bus stop, can make a big difference, like you said.
It is just that these days people prefer to nurture their problem and challenges theirselves because of fear of being mock by the outside world since many people will offer to help but in the real sense of it they are not. If anything happens, they are the first to shame you for your predicament which is why I will agree with you to even share or have a conversation with a stranger who you don't know if your path will ever cross again. Although there are still good people, even around us, that will not mock nor shame us. It is not new to see why people prefer to be alone and rather spend their time on social media, however this doesn't help at all as it will only compound our problem and lead to depression.
The world needs too much of a compassionate person to make life more meaningful for us all. Not people that nag unnecessarily of full of wickedness.
For years, old people go to stores just to talk to the cashier, because they have no one else to talk to. Humans need connection.
Have you had experience with being mocked and shamed? I know I have. However, perhaps I have mocked and shamed others too - though, I tend not to do that.
Yes, most of the time, when you share your challenges with people at first, they will sympathize with you, but later, they will be one of those who will use your problem to mock you or use it against you especially when you confide in them on something personal like health, marriage and even life generally. I have been there, so i know.
One of the problems with trusting people these days, is that they have a desire to score meaningless points against everyone else. Few can actually be trusted.
When talking about hospitals, especially in our country, most patients are admitted to government hospitals. There, the patients do not receive good responses from the nurses. Only a limited number of nurses spend their time looking after the well-being of the patients, smiling and joking. Almost all the doctors are friendly. From this, I see that many nurses have messed up their lives by facing the mental anxiety of hospital work and personal life. Therefore, they deal with patients in the hospital in the same way that they behave angrily at home. But the situation in private hospitals is completely different. The staff there are very friendly and compassionate people. The simplest thing here is that government nurses have marked the limits of their comfort zone, while private hospital nurses move by breaking the limit. Since most of the patients have negative opinions, it is not a pleasant experience for the nurse either.
In life, we face troubles when we do not expect it, so in such a situation, we have to get help through proper communication. The response can be good or bad depending on how we communicate. Loneliness is a very difficult and painful feeling, and communication skills can be developed gradually through building relationships. I also faced loneliness at a time when I had problems, and a very stranger came to my aid, and he came to my aid because of my honest language. Honesty is absolutely important in building relationships.
When we need help, we must not hesitate to inform those we are in contact with. One more thing to remember. When someone else is in trouble, we must also help them. This is the importance of a support network. I see another thing in the society around us. That is, there are people who are not willing to seek help from others because of shyness. Therefore, we need to improve our communication skills to overcome this comfort zone of shyness and increase new relationships.
I am not sure whether it is a case that the nurses have made a mess of their lives, but rather, in most places nurses are among the worst paid professions. Even in Finland this is the case. Oh, and this was at a public hospital. as I don't have private care.
I think when we share a laugh or connect with someone, we not only lighten our own load, but also help ease someone else's. It is these little acts of kindness that really matter in tough places like hospitals.
Yeah, and I think it has a knock-on effect - a pay it forward deal.
I like to chat with my neighbors on the train. But it all depends on the neighbor and the amount of cognac drunk. If there was enough cognac, I chat with 90% of people :) Usually these numbers are 50/50.
Are you drinking the cognac, or they? :D
They drink very rarely. Because usually I drink all the cognac before the train departs :)
Bring the bottle on the train and offer to share :) I'll have a chat
:))
You should give up on being cured. You never can tell as there is what we call miracle and it still happens every time. It is good to know the nurse was friendly and as a medical practitioner it should be one of those things they will learn. Conversation these days are often dead on arrival and it takes meaningful engagement for conversation to hold. It is always good to share our problem with people as these will help our mental health. It is that people are often afraid of sharing their pain since they believe they might be abused by it later on.
It is common, isn't it? People will use any weakness they can, to cover their own weakness.
Thank you for sharing such a thoughtful reflection. It’s inspiring how you notice the little ways human connection can make even difficult situations more bearable for both patients and caregivers. Your perspective on compassion and engagement really resonates, sometimes the smallest gestures or conversations can make a huge difference. Wishing you strength and ease with your treatment and continued “okay” moments.
Do you have any experiences you want to share on it?
Not everyone have the same mentality to relate with people politely because character and lifestyle is different. But to feel free and convenient with people, it is kind of fun to make joke out of something to generate a more lively interaction.
Even the introverted benefit from a joke and a smile.