Thank you for taking the time! It helped me to get a few things clearer. Even though Lily should be free to choose, she is not. She's influenced by many factors, and developing her own taste in clothing on those influences. The thing is that in her innocence she can't fathom the effects of her choices (yet). So, as in many ways, I do have to throw my own influence into the ring and guide her, trying to explain as much as I can. How to explain those things is another question.

but it wasn't based on clothes

It's a mix of circumstances. I'm trying to avoid some of those circumstances that fell onto my friend's daughter, hence my question. The clothes are just a symptom.

Maybe if someone "doesn't care" about what they wear, they are also saying that they are self-absorbed and don't recognize how they influence others?

That's another of concerns there. I would like Lily to be able to recognize circumstances that she's in, and adapt to a certain point to other cultures/value sets - without feeling like giving away freedom. For me, being able to do that, to be respectful, is a better empowerment than doing as she pleases, without consideration.

Judging - I try to judge only after consideration of circumstances. If I have to. I don't like to judge beyond the instinctual judgement, so I'm trying to un-learn it.

Again, thank you for taking the time.